Monday 22 September 2008

Fathers, the Power of One


The subject of fatherless homes and the important role a father has in a child's life has been written about many times and the views vary. You can find many opinions on how important a father is, most by so called experts. Sure enough there are many, many homes where there is no father and the home is a happy one, the children are well adjusted and they do great academically. The children grow and venture into adulthood as well adjusted persons. Watching a favorite show, A Current Affair tonight, it had a story about 3 young boys whose behaviors were out of control and the mothers were struggling to cope. One of those children came from a fatherless home. This also includes fathers who live at home but may as well be a piece of the furniture. There can be no doubt that the ideal is a home where both parents raise their children but this is not an ideal world and there is thousands of homes where there is only one parent doing the bulk of the child rearing. This post is about the importance of fathers and how it can affect children who do not have an active father in their lives or a responsible male role model/s. Who is to blame here, women who chose to have children as a single mother, fathers who run off as they can't handle respsonsiblilities, or the government who makes it easy for these fatherless families to pop up like mushrooms in a poop infested cow paddock. Mothers and fathers alike need to re-examine the plight of children before embarking on an insane idea that fathers are not necessary in a child's life. The child seen tonight who had no active father in his home, was angry, he often became violent, acted out at school and was abusive towards his mother. It was very sad to see how much this particular boy was hurting and how his mother was at her wits end as to how to deal with it. Whilst a number of fathers are not great role models for their offspring and would have no positive influence on the kids, there is a whole lot more that would. A boy needs the authoritarian figure of a male. Mothers can do this to a point but they cannot replace or take the place of a father. What irritates the hell out of me most is homes where the father is not allowed to have input, is not given the chance to interact with his children or chooses to not become involved. It can be a hellish job bringing up children alone and quite often when things go awry, the finger of blame gets pointed in the mothers direction. A responsible father can show the children how to treat women, how to become resourceful, a mother can do all these as a balanced view but it is still from a female perspective. Most mothers do their utmost to rear their children where they are seen as valued members of society. Is is noted by US expert Dr Wade Horn that many of the prisoners inside jails come from single parent families, he also stated:

Children from such homes tended to under-perform in education, and many of them lived in poverty, and were themselves likely to end up in poverty.
Children need both their mother and their father if they were to grow up a balanced healthy adult. While children from a single parent family can grow up healthy and balanced, the probability of this happening in a typical two parent family was much higher.
I agree. Fathers and just how important they are is very much under-rated. This post is not from an academic point of view , I have no uni degree but one does not need a degree to know what is important and what DOES matter in the life of a child. Books and degrees are great in theory but they are no match for the insight and knowledge you gain as a real life parent.

11 comments:

Crushed said...

I think a lot of mothers DO manage to bring up children well on their own.

On the whole I think it prob more important for a child to have a good relationship with their Mum than their Dad- though obv BOTH is ideal.

I do take your point, but I do think many single parents do a great job and the tendancy to criticise them is often unfair.

Nunyaa said...

Yes a lot of mothers do an excellent job. I am not criticising them, I am stating that the importance of a father or father figure can not be dismissed. There are things you can only gain from a father that no matter how good the mother is, she can never provide. The role and value of fathers these days seems to take a back seat.

LordSomber said...

'I wanted a child more than a man'

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/sep/17/women.family

So, what she wants trumps what her child needs?

This is the crux of the argument, to me.

James Higham said...

That seems pretty balanced to me, Nunyaa.

Nunyaa said...

Read the link, what a wicked, selfish attitude to have to think that one can bring up a child with no father, to deliberately conceive a child and brush off that a father is not necessary. No wonder men feel like walking sperm banks. This is not to condone all the men who walk away from women once they are pregnant, any man can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad and women who think it is irrelevant to have a father/dad is depriving the child. Selfish cows!!

jmb said...

Well there is no doubt that a family with a participating mother and father is better but often one has to do the best one can with what there is. Hopefully there is some male relative who will help out as a role model.
Since there are so many single parent families I think some single parents are doing very well since not every one is a dysfunctional adult.

My daughter has a friend who is just embarking on the single parenthood route as she has adopted a baby from Guatemala. She has a wonderful extended family and they will all be involved. It is a little girl and I've no doubt that it is easier to bring up a girl without a father than a rambunctious boy.

Nunyaa said...

In cases where there are no parents and a woman adopts a child, you have to think that one parent is better than none.

sally in norfolk said...

I maybe should not say this but I am going too anyway.... My boys seem to be doing very well with out there dad... he had become a huge worry to them and they should not have to worry about a parent at their age. BUT I know they do miss him very much which is sad thing :-(
my youngest son seems to be doing better since moving away from school and into college where there are more men around too

Nunyaa said...

No, I am happy to hear what anyone has to say Sally. It is no doubt hard on kids when they miss their fathers. You are right in saying that they shouldn't have to worry about their parents at such a young age. Unfortunately not all children will find it smooth sailing.

sally in norfolk said...

yes that is true nunyaa not all children would find the death of a parent smooth sailing and the main worry is although they may seem to be doing well your never 100% sure whats going on in their heads so your watching and listening all the time

Nunyaa said...

That is sad and I believe that kids have a greater understanding than they are given credit for sometimes :)